Get Down, Beep Beep

I guess I should kick this off telling a little about myself. Im 21, female, photo student, currently living down the Jersey Shore. I go to Parsons, but I screwed it up this fall, and Im currently trying to go back. I sent out a returning application last thurs, so I'm just waiting to see what the admissions office has to say. I pretty much left b/c I had a nervous breakdown. I was struggling with anxiety, and I'm sure the fact that I lived a stones throw from Wall St only made it worse. I DEFINATLY won't be dorming again. I need my personal space to smoke pot and crawl up into a ball and cry when it's all too much. I'm not normally melancholy, but sometimes stress kinda takes over. I was also helping my mom move/ moving all my stuff from North Jersey where I lived my whole life, to the shore. It was tough b/c I had so many memories in that old house. It's where I grew up, and it reminds me of my Dad a lot. He passed away of a heart attack, what like 3 years ago now? I honestly don't remember, and I don't want to. I remember him on his birthday, I couldn't imagine how much it would fuck with me if I remembered the date he died. It's still super hard. He was kind of my guide through life, and functioning without one has been tough. Against the odds, I have managed to get into Parsons all by myself *pat on back*, including all paperwork and paying for it and everything. I do have a inheritance, and I hope it doesnt run out before I graduate. I'll be in a pretty big jam if it does b/c y tuition alone is like 40gs a year and that doest include a place to live, materials for school (SO expensive, damn photography), and just regular living expenses. Lifes tough, lol. I wouldn't have it any other way though, b/c if I do graduate from Parsons (I would say when but I havn't been accepted back and I don't want to jinx it), I'll def have a bright future. I want to work for a fashion magazine or perhaps a periodical, but still produce fine art photography in my own studio. Gotta dream big. Currently, I'm doing nothing. I have no job, and at this point I don't see myself getting one this summer. All the seasonal positions are filled, and I can't get a job and lie and say I'm not going to college in the fall. I'm not positive that I am, but it is my goal. This gives me LOTS of free time, that I usually spend watching the discovery channel or something. It's super boring. I also dont know ANYBODY where I live. It's an akward situation, for sure. I do have my boyfriend though, and I couldn't find a better one. He's amazing. I could write like 50 pages about how much I love him. Unfortunatly though, he's 20, so I don't get to go out much. I don't wanna go alone, and I also feel bad leaving him home. I think he secretly fears I'll find another guy if I'm out without him, but seriously, I didn't even find decent guys at clubs when I was single and looking. I just like to dancedancedancedance and drink. I have plans to go into the city and go out this Thursday tho, with Nick. Nicks my gay BFF. We've been friends since freshman year in high school, and I actually lived with him briefly in Harlem (well spanish harlem, im not that tough!). He has a boyfriend, Chris, who is equally awesome, even if he acts a little crazy sometimes. Who doesnt? Anyway, we always go to this gay club, Splash. I like the getting in free and $2 Long Island Iced Teas and the great music (even the Madonna) and all the fun gay guys! I kinda prefer going to gay clubs, especially for Kent (bf). It probobly gives him piece of mind. I wish things were more laid back about age, like they were when I was 18 and 19. I used to go out all the time, then there was this crackdown, and now even a fake ID usually won't work. Hard times for todays youth lol. So.. anyway I guess that's a good enough intro. I'm not sure what this blog will be about. Probably a combo of my life, fashion, music and art. With that, I'm out. I'll leave you with Chairman Meow, my cute kitty!